Let me start by saying, this has probably been my least favorite spiritual plateaus. I turned 30 and was like yeah baby, this is the turning point. I'm charging forward into this new level of confidence, knowing, and responsibility of self. Then, forced into another shut down of gym's closing, restaurants only available for take out, and fear mongering about the virus, the state of my external reality changed (again) and I have felt stunted within the confines of this new found 'Self'. Having to be flexible is something I consider myself to be pretty good at. But even with all the inner work, outer experience, and relationship I have with myself, I feel disappointment, frustration, and find it does take focused effort to let go of the expectations I previously set.
So firstly, I'd like to address, if you're here reading this, whatever you're feeling at this point in your journey is NORMAL. What is not normal, is this experience and the expectations around it;
The expectation to be flexible with change and have no mental or physical strain
To not have a level of grief associated with pieces of us that are not being nourished (like socializing, travel, dining, etc.)
Frustration around feeling 'stuck' or unable to move forward
Feeling a lack of control over our own decision making
A sense of helplessness to create our own external reality
The struggle we are experiencing with constant change
Our constant disappointment within expectations
Now, no one is technically saying these things aren't okay - but the lack of support and initiative and acknowledgement to all of these pieces, is exactly what is not normal.
At this point in my journey, I understand that despite feeling so stagnant, I am still moving forward. In my experience, growth and expansion doesn't always leap and bound, and most importantly, rarely growth feels the same. In fact, I've noticed it can feel pretty underwhelming most of the time. Sometimes even our actions don't feel like they are supporting us and our development is only fueled by only the intentions we remind ourselves of. In other words, the work is in the inaction.
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